Catherine

"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane. " -Looking for Alaska

Can't believe I didn't mention this the last time I wrote... I saw this and thought it summed up what I felt. Dear Bigots, Suck it. Love, Iowa (and Vermont, Connecticut, Massachusetts and (kinda) D.C.) I cried when I found out. I was (am) so excited. It took the US until 1967 to allow interracial marriage, 42 years after that, gay and lesbian couples can get married in 4 states. Their children will now have a legally recognized family and will no longer have to question the legitimacy of the parents that they love. I think that's what made me the happiest. It's not destroying the family, it's strengthening it. Two things said at the rally on Friday that I thought were fantastic: One man said, "When more people receive a college degree and advance in education, we say that our culture is advancing. When more people have jobs, we say out culture is advancing and stronger. When more people vote, we say our culture is advancing. And now we can say, with more people getting married, our culture and our families will get stronger." A woman who is a preacher was telling a story about an altar call at her church. A young man came up and decided to give his life to Christ, he was a teenager who had been moved from foster home to foster home, he had been abused and unwanted. He got up in front of the congregation and said that he now has a family in his church and with the foster family that was going to adopt him. The foster parents were two men, a gay couple and had shown him love and acceptance and gave him a sense of belonging.

Sometimes I wonder if the power of the internet has opened up stalker sides of people, who, would ordinarily have no way of stalking people. Everyone jokes about it, "I was totally facebook stalking earler..." but, is it a serious problem? Do the people who stalk my profile actually see who I am and have a deep understanding of me? No. In no way does it help us understand each other more complexly. Sometimes I wonder if it's all just some big joke. I mean, to an extent, it is. Facebook can collect and analyze incredible data just from everyone's profile pages. Why do you think the ads reflect what you have in your profile? I'm just as guilty as everyone else I spend way too much time on facebook or the internet in general. Though, in the last week or two I have gotten better, there were a few times I would go a day or two without checking facebook. I think it's a crutch and a waste of time, if I'm sitting around I should be able to think of at least 10 things to do that would be a better use of my time. There's no need to just instantly grab my computer. I mean, I think I take it a step further than some people, I spend a good half hour a day on youtube. Watching people talk about their lives. There's a different level when you can hear them talk, watch their facial expressions and learn about their lives. I catch myself feeling like I know these people, when, I really know nothing about them. I watch them for 3 minutes a few times a week and I see what they want me to see. Just like facebook profiles. Wow, I just went to delete my myspace and that profile has had 22,331 views. Obviously that doesn't mean 22,331 different people have looked at it, but even if each of them were only there for a minute, that's 15 days, 12 hours that people have spent looking at my profile. Insane. Ugh, still trying to figure out how to delete the damn thing. Where is the button? Also, I deleted 50 friends from facebook this week, but, I still have over 700 friends. Absurd. I'm debating just deleting mine forever and then starting over. I'm trying to decide if that would be easier than purging more than half my friends. I'm sick of it. I don't want people that I no longer talk to, using my profile to judge me for becoming a feminist or for becoming liberal in college. I don't want to give them the satisfaction or the gossip of knowing I strayed from the "straight and narrow" It's ridiculous. Wow, I found the button and as I'm deleting the thing, myspace is barraging me with peoples profile pictures and info saying "They'll miss me." It's all gone. Bye myspace!