Catherine

i don't know how much more of this i can handle. i am literally falling apart. i found out on tuesday that i have an incurable skin condition. that MIGHT go away on its own...in a month or 2, or i might have it for the rest of my life. they MIGHT be able to control the symptoms, so that i can be touched without breaking out in hives and an uncontrollable itch. joel could hardly touch me last weekend without intense pain. i can't even take a shower without experiencing pain afterwards. i couldn't even wear a bra today because the rash around the bottom band is really bad. i was handling everything ok this morning, until i got home from work and showered and the pain and itch afterwards was just awful. and it's spreading up my neck and down my legs. on top of all of this, tonight i got a yeast infection, probably from the medicine i'm taking that's supposed to make the hives go away. so i had to go to wal mart at midnight to get one of those stupid kits to cure it. i come back to my apartment to a person parked in my fucking garage spot. i mean, seriously, kick me while i'm down. i left them a bitchy note and parked a block away. i was fuming as i walked that block back to my apartment. and now i've collapsed into tears in bed. i'm so frustrated and itchy. i literally just scratched myself until i started to see blood. i'm sure that will be great in the morning. i'm so over this. i hate my body. i hate how i'm always sick. i hate the way i feel. i hate the way i look. it's all culminating into just this...pile of negativity. i just want to crawl into bed and sleep through the rest of the week...but, oh wait...if i stay in one position in bed too long, i break out in even more hives. so i can't even fucking do that without more itching. i'm sick of it all.