Catherine

I realized that editing myself is what this is not intended for. I edit myself way to much in every day things, why start doing it here? So here's what I think. Suck it... So much yet so little seems to be going on right now. I'm "taking it easy" which, is working 40 hours a week, planning my Mom's 50th birthday party, hanging out and seeing friends as they finally come back home and trying to sort out just, life. But then there are times where I just feel so bored. I feel like I'm going nowhere, doing nothing, making no progress. Which, is normal for me, I get like this, I do something drastic (i.e. piercings, cutting off my hair or buying something expensive) because I can't stand to think that I will ever become a boring person. I don't like being predictable. In fact, I love surprising people. I think that's why I do so many of the things I do. My Dad has officially passed the rule that I have to go to church on Sundays. I'm 19 years old, I haven't gone to church in 9 months (aside from Easter and Christmas. Oh, and mothers day) and to be quite honest I really don't want to go back. I think that's really hard for my parents to accept. Wait, I take that back, I know that's really hard for my parents to accept. The reason they paid for 13 years of private schooling was because, well Georgia public schools are horrible and anyone with any amount of money finds a way to get their kids out of that school system but I think more importantly is that they want me to follow Christ. Which, is something I feel bad bitching about, because, it really isn't a big deal. There are far worse things that people have to deal with. I just, I really haven't been "following" the faith consistently for more than 2 years now and to be quite honest, I haven't noticed a change. Yeah, I would go off and on and try and be a "good Christian" or do the things that I was told all my life that I should do if I was a Christian (i.e. devotions, praying, church, reading the Bible) but things never changed. Maybe I was just expecting too much, hearing so many people around me my whole life saying how much God had blessed them that day I was just trying SO hard to feel it too. I wanted to be able to say how God was working in my life, but I never could find anything. Maybe I should look harder. I'm not going to go into Christian friends vs. non-Christian friends because that's just a ridiculous argument. I know the second I say all of this it's going to come back and everyone's going to say, "it's not just about those rules, it's about a relationship." Yeah, I've heard it before and I've told people that before but I really just don't believe it anymore. I've done so many things the past few years that I was told were wrong, or that would ruin my life or things that "God wouldn't be pleased about." I'm still here, doing just fine. I didn't feel guilty or remorseful for any of the things I did. (Insert argument if a murderer doesn't feel guilty does that make what he does right?) Yeah, well I'm not a murderer so don't worry about that. I probably shouldn't say all of this. Maybe I'll go back and delete it, but maybe I won't. Because for once in my life I'm being honest with myself and really assessing what I think not what everyone else tells me to think. This is ME, Catherine Lowe and things pouring out of my brain that have been there festering for way too long. If DMC ever taught me anything, it was to sit down and be quiet when it comes to arguing about theology because no one will ever agree. Oh that and according to about 1/2 of my Bible class who weren't Calvinists, as of right now I would be going to hell. Wow, I just re-read all of this. Defiance much? Ha So, if you feel like praying for me, be my guest and join the club. I'm pretty sure my parents have been praying the "state I'm in" for most of my high school career. Who knows, I still believe in miracles. I'm just so tired of faking it. So tired. me Current iTunes Track: Hum Hallelujah by Fall Out Boy I love you in the same way There's a chapel in a hospital One foot in your bedroom And one foot out the door Sometimes we take chances Sometimes we take pills I could write it better Than you ever felt it So hum hallelujah Just off the key of reason I thought I loved you It was just how you looked in the light A teenage vow in a parking lot "Til tonight do us part" I sing the blues And swallow them too

I just wrote a huge blog, then deeming it inapropriate for my small blogger audience saved it for another day or perhaps for never. It was just, too personal.


I will say this, working with my sister and then spending 3 hours at the mall with her? Making a grand total of 12 hours straight spent together.
Fabulous.

She's helping me figure out which Coach purse I want, because, basically I'm jealous of hers. So we spent a while in the Coach store then basically just walked up and down the mall going in stores that looked interesting. No purse to speak of yet, but soon hopefully.

yep
sleep
this might be the most scattered blog I've ever written.

i like it
me

I caved, I went into work last Tuesday and asked to start working again on Thursday. I couldn't take feeling like such a deadbeat. I don't know how people can stand not having a job. It makes me appreciate the time I do get off. But work has been amazing I still like selling furniture plus the pay is really really good, commission is great!

Working the past few days has made me think a lot about things involving money. I mean, I sold $4,000 today in furniture. Furniture that people really don't need, I stand there and talk to them and tell them that they should buy it and how much they'll enjoy it, which, it is true, but at what cost?

Humans are so about appearances, and maybe it's just American's with our "American Dream" but no matter how much debt a person may have or how much they have to pay a month, it's all about having nice house in a good neighborhood with a Cadillac Escalade and a gym membership and designer clothes any other thing that a person really doesn't need. And it's not always to that extreme. It reminds me of that commercial, where you see a guy riding his mower and he has a fake smile and he's just talking about how much debt he has, "I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, somebody help me." It's a commercial for debt consolidaters or something or other. I don't really know.

Someone on Thursday made a $5,000 purchase, and then applied for our financing, which, is 90 days same as cash. So basically it means, that they can't pay for the furniture so they will instead slowly pay it off and end up paying MORE than what it originally cost because of interest. Why not just slowly save money and then pay for it all at once? Because people are GREEDY and they want it NOW. It doesn't even have to be furniture, what about house and car payments? People make those all the time. Why not live in a smaller house and make small payments, until you can save up more money, hopefully get promoted and maybe then move into a larger house if you decide you want it. But no, people buy as big as they can possibly afford and live paycheck to paycheck, building up credit card debt to pay for groceries in the process.

My Mom and I had a long talk the other day about it. My family has been so blessed, but not only blessed my Dad is a very very smart man. He made wise investments and has a lot of money in savings, my sister and I both have investments in our names to get when we turn 21. He spent his early life very very poor and lived very frugally, even when he made more money, he didn't "move up" his lifestyle until he knew that he could afford it. It really taught me and my sister a great lesson. He gave us savings accounts when we were 5. I had no idea how it worked. All I knew was that I got 2 dollars a week and that 20 cents had to go to Jesus in tithe. But then I got older and I got my allowance (which was always just half my age) and I would tithe the 10% because it became habit out of my parents telling me I should do it as a child and then the rest could go where I chose. I could either go to the Hello Kitty store and buy some pencils or I put it in my jar and have Daddy take me to the bank and put it in my savings account. I slowly learned how money worked, I got a job when I was 15, not because my parents didn't provide for me or because I was forced to. But because I WANTED one, maybe my sister and I are just weird, but I like to blame my parents for our love of having a job.

Mom and I had such a good talk about it all too. I encouraged her, because she doesn't always think she was a good parent and told her about how much more mature and confident I feel about my money and how I will do in 3 years when I'll get a job and live on my own and pay bills. But we just talked about how she's so glad that Dad was always so responsible about money, I mean he's STILL cheap about things when he realy doesn't have to be, but, it really keeps us all grounded. I dunno, I just love my Mom and the talks we have and how I realize that they really were great parents.

But I started right off the bat again with a 40 hour work week. Which, in reality sounds a lot worse than it is. It's basically just 10-6 various days through the week and then whatever 8 hours I feel like on Saturday. 10 a.m. really isn't that early and I still get to come home for dinner and then go out afterwards, it just works out really well for me. So yes, if I don't answer calls or don't talk to you often, I'm probably at work. Feel free to come visit, it can get really slow sometimes, but don't come on Saturday's because they're crazy.

Awkward Transition that I don't know how to describeeeee............

So I hung out with Alicia, Angela, Jessica and Megan last night. We just sat at Alicia's house and talked for like 2 hours. Catching up on life. I mean I only talked to them a few times over the year, but it was like no time had passed at all. I love those girls.

Also, about 5 bajillion people have asked me to go with them to Lazerfest and/or Fall Out Boy tomorrow. Seeing as Hinder is the headlining band for Lazerfest? No thanks, they whine too much for me and his voice is annoying. Also, I would love to go to see Fall Out Boy, but, I've seen them already and I don't want to drive that far. So no, I will not go with you. Thanks.

But yes. Now I'm distracted in video chat with my fave Isaiah...so yay.

Love,
Catherine

Current iTunes Track:
Grace Kelly by Mika
I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you walk out the door!

I do know one thing. My sleep schedule is effed up. I'm going to die tomorrow, I'm supposed to go to Dordt to visit Isaiah and Joel. I wanted to leave around noon, but I doubt I'll even be up before then. Staying up late like this seems to always be worth it though.

For instance last night a certain favorite navy sailor of mine (Derek Messenger) called me at like 1:15 a.m. and we talked for 45 minutes. Man, I miss him. It was amazing to just hear his voice. I didn't even recognize it at first, because I wasn't expecting to get a call from him when he's all the way in Japan.

Tonight was fun, went to Hu Hot with Matt, Hunter, Stephanie and Kevin which was a riot as always, then went to Matt's house to listen to the guys have a guitar jam session. Took Stephanie home and got to take a look at her painting that she's working on, honestly the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I was blown away. So after that I went and saw Spiderman 3 with Burt and his crew, man, those guys can talk "WOW" for a ridiculously long time. I tried to even make fun of them, but there were no words.

As for Spiderman 3?
Fight scenes were kick ass but what the hell? Emo Spiderman? Cheesy strut down the street music? Peter Parker dancing? and love moments that made me want to puke? I think it all came out even though, the cinematography for the fight scenes was top notch, plus the villains were sweet this time. Worth seeing, but I would maybe wait until it comes out on DVD, it wasn't worth an hour of my pay check. Haha. Which is basically what a movie ticket costs now, an hour of me working at Seasonal Concepts...well a little less than that, with commission added i make around $13 an hour on a good day.

Speaking of which, I need to go into work and get started there again. I have officially decided that I can't STAND not having a job. I feel like such a loser like either asking my parents for money or using the money I have in my savings account. Which, I hate using that, it's my money I've saved my whole life, ever since I got an allowance at age 5 of 2 dollars a week. It's all I'll have coming out of college, I'm sure that my parents would help me, but I don't like relying on them for everything. Buying things myself is a great feeling of independence. I told my parents that I was going to have a job next year whether they like it or not. Having a job keeps me busy, I do better when I'm busy and have a tight schedule.

I should sleep now.
The rain will help.

love
catherine

Current iTunes Track:
The rain against my window outside :)