Catherine

i don't think i've ever been that nervous before.

turns out, it was exactly what i needed. in one session i learned two things about myself and the choices i can make. more about that later.

what i wanted to write about was just a memory i thought of this morning.

i woke up on my own at 8 today. the way the light is coming in the window reminds me of being little in the summer. i would wake up, and wander downstairs, the smell of coffee strong near the kitchen. mom was awake. i would make a circle around the house, looking for her. trying to find where she was perched that day with her cup of dark coffee. there was one day i couldn't find her. i checked downstairs and upstairs, checked the garage for her car. then finally, i went out onto the deck in back. and there she was, curled up in a chair just enjoying the sunshine. i wiggled up to her and wrapped my little arms around her. we just sat like that just enjoying being together, feeling the sun, hearing the birds and smelling her coffee. i love summer mornings.

Always putting it off.

"Oh I'll be fine. I'll shake it off."

I made an appointment Friday to go to counseling.

I did it.

I have my first, um, is it a visit? appointment? session? well, whatever it is, I have one Wednesday.

I thought I would be relieved after I scheduled it, after I finally took the step to get help. All I did was start to cry uncontrollably and then call my Mom.

I asked her if I was too young to have depression, if maybe it's impossible. It's not.

She was diagnosed at my age.