Catherine

Sometimes I like to think about things, like for a whole week and then write down what my view or thoughts were. For a while now it's been thoughts on what alters my life or daily schedule and what should alter my life and daily schedule.

I don't know if that's quite the way to put it, but, whatever.

Think about your day today? What did you do, what would you have liked to do?

I realized how many menial selfish tasks take up my time when I could be investing in friends or other important things. One thing that sort of struck me is hair and makeup. I'm certainly not a poster child for this, I don't wear makeup every day and I don't spend tons of time on my hair. But there are other things. What keeps you from leaving your room every day? Am I so self-involved that I can't leave without making sure that I look ok? I hate thinking that about myself.

Who even decided that makeup should be worn daily? It's all driven by being self-concious and feeling inadequate. I honestly do feel like less of a person the days that I'm not wearing makeup or didn't do my hair. I feel amazing and confident on days that I do. Is that right? Shouldn't my confidence and feeling beautiful come from me or maybe from God?

I mean look at Mom's. What Mom doesn't wear makeup? I think some of it is learned and that's not something I want to instill in my children. My Mom freaks out if she leaves the house without makeup on, it's something that holds her back.

It's kind of funny how little other people notice or how much some do. It really varies from person to person. I saw a friend at the bus stop one morning I hadn't showered, hadn't done my hair and was still wearing my PJ's and he said, "Just got out of bed?" which, is a perfectly normal response. But then there was Saturday night when I went to see Tomorrow's Storm (plus Hunter) and I had on zero makeup, my hair was pulled up and I was in jeans and a t-shirt and Matt just said, "You look really nice Catherine." It made my night.

I realized how menial it all is. I'm not saying I'll never wear makeup or do my hair again, but I'm really going to work on carrying myself in a way that reflects that I'm a valuable person, regardless of my outsides.

I sort of learned a bit of this senior year. If you saw me at school...you knew. I literally wore what I slept in to school without doing my hair or touching my face with makeup. I would brush my teeth and run out the door. It was hilarious though on days I would do my hair and put on makeup and wear clothes that matched, I got compliments left and right. It really made me feel ten times better about myself.

Maybe I haven't sorted all these thoughts out and I'm not making sense. But I guess maybe I just want everyone to work on this? Just think about it. What keeps you back, keeps you from doing all that you can from the moment you wake up? Is it facebook? (guilty) Is it your cell phone? Or maybe it's your appearance.

We're all human and noone looks perfect, ok well most people don't look perfect. (what they say about models being fully photoshopped all over really isn't true, if you want to know, ask)

But yes, I haven't slept since like Friday night. Well, ok I have slept, but not well. Waking up this morning was horrible. Tomorrow I have an even earlier class, so I had better hit the hay.

Night loves
Catherine

Current iTunes Track:
Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love, and forget how to hate